Oops.

Recently I've been feeling myself growing more and more distant from my blog. And I think I know why.

When I started this thing a few months back (early March) it wasn't much more than just an experiment. I've always loved writing, and so I found it quite easy and interesting to blog.

Back then, though, I was going through what I can only describe as an emotional dryspell. I was thinking too much and not feeling enough. I still acted as if I felt perfectly fine, but only because I didn't want to admit anything was wrong. Actually looking back now I realise that maybe I acted out my "emotions" stronger than I should have, trying to over-compensate in my own mind.

And then- inevitably, since I wasn't allowing myself to change- something bad happened. And that something bad left me, to say the least, in a very bad state. I apologetically admit that for one or two weeks after that I was a complete twat. Thankfully, everybody had the good grace to put up - or at least pretend to put up (it's the thought that counts) with me and my twattitude.

However, this "something bad" served as a well-needed wake up call. Gradually I began to realize exactly how much I was holding myself back. I started realizing that I was thinking far too much and letting myself become involved in very deep questions without taking a look at myself and asking myself if I was alright.

I wasn't. People can think but people can feel too, and as I focused so much on thinking the part of me which felt started getting more and more worn out.

Once I realised this I started to wake up to just how human I really am. This blog, however, had always been about thinking, and for some reason I began feeling less and less comfortable with it. Now I realise it's because I still associate this blog with cold thinking and I never let myself express who I am or what I feel when I write.

I don't want to change that in this blog however. Maybe I'll make another blog and let me express myself in that one (I don't mind making the blogs, I'm not after any kind of success- I write for the sake of writing.)

Now that I've come clean about this blog I hope that my feelings of unease will go away. But since this IS a thinking blog after all- maybe I should end with a thought-

Remember who you are.

From misery to misery- we rise to fall.

Consider this: What are we born with?

Biologically you'd say our bodies, romantically you'd say our personalities or our futures.

But our bodies and our personalities are part of us- and our futures are things we strive to achieve.

What are we really born with?

Nothing. Nothing at all. Everything is given to us- family, shelter, food, clothing, protection. Everything. And some of us don't even get all of that.

We start out with nothing....yet later in life when we have nothing we're depressed. And why? We're hardwired that way. We get depressed because we want to achieve something we don't have- either a physical object or a situation we want in our lives. We want to make all the positive situations in life a reality- and if we can't have that we get depressed.

Depression is the mind's way of telling itself to get up and work for something. If everybody was happy all the time they would never try for something- why bother if they're happy? (a safe guaranteed future qualifies as a "thing'' also)

The mind needs its depression. Depression is key. If you don't allow yourself to become depressed you won't ever have that motivation you need to go on. Happy people are the least motivated.

The Fate of the Mind.

Previously my top three Most Idiotic Ideas Ever Conceived consisted of luck, a theistic god and fate.

However over the course of the past week or two I've realised that I placed fate in the wrong list. It should be in the Top Ten Most Misunderstood Concepts of All Time.

You see, uncanny as it is to believe, I've come to realise that the whole concept of fate is actually based on some archaic form of psychology.

Allow me to elaborate; if one person had to suppress certain emotions one has time will very often bring these suppressed emotions to the surface.

An example; if say two friends are only friends to spare a third party's feelings they will eventually fight. They may become friends after the fight but the point still remains that these suppressed feelings had to surface themselves. Hence the conflict between the two was "meant to be" as they say in fate-orientated blabber.

Or alternatively; two friends suppress feeling of deeper affection for each other than they care to show. Eventually things will play out and these feelings will become known. Likewise the relationship which ensues was also "meant to be".

Now of course I'm cynical, proof-hungry and skeptic so I'm not going to make a claim without backing it up with some evidence.

And here it is: It is psychological fact that the human mind continues to develop all throughout a person's life. This happens because of changes in one's environment including school, work, friends, relationships, even one's own body (and I don't just means hormones- sickness can also change one's outlook on life).

Now couple with that fact this fact: Emotions- of both want and rejection- are triggered by situations one wants to add to or remove from one's life. This can go from the simplest things (such as wanting a chocolate) to the most life shattering things (like wanting a divorce) Both a chocolate snack and a divorce are different situations in one's life- and when one wants them one (obviously) experiences a want for them (likewise one could reject them). The point I'm trying to bring out here is that want and rejection are NOT related to particular objects but to the situations those objects bring with them.

And finally add this little theory (NOT fact); One's own mind knows how it needs to develop.

And we're left with this psycho-philosophical offspring;

When one's mind needs to develop in a particular way it will begin wanting to create a situation which would result in that necessary development.

And so one can see how when one suppresses feelings those feeling will most likely surface anyway; those feelings exist because the mind senses the situation which in needs to develop and so the mind will continue to persist for that situation to become reality so it can develop properly.

Of course- this is the "scientific" reasoning behind the basis of fate. The fate of horoscopes etc. is all just taking everything too far- once we're no longer talking about psychology- none of the above reasoning applies.

Heart-felt.

You can only know the shape of a labyrinth when you view it from above. Once you're inside, you can't tell what shape it has.

Some people say that love is the most powerful emotion. They're wrong. It is the most powerful pair of emotions.

When you love a person there are two sides to that love. Wanting them to be happy and wanting them to be with you.

And when their happiness can't exist when they're with you, you just have to ask - are you in love for that somebody else, or are you in love for you?

Then it's all down to selfishness.

The "Do" 's and "Don't" 's and why.

The whole "follow your heart" concept and the right/wrong question are (perhaps unfortunately) deeply linked.

The first thing one needs to realize is simple; nobody ever does anything they don't want to on purpose. Ever. It's literally impossible. The only reason somebody goes through the trouble of doing something is because they want it achieved. What you're doing may cause you a great amount of pain, but the fact that you're doing it shows that you want it done more than you want not to do it. Even if you eventually regret doing it and want it undone, still at that point in time you were doing it because you wanted it.

So the sad truth is, nobody does anything good for the sake of it being good. People will only do a good deed if they want to do it. You could hold a person at gunpoint and tell them to do something. They're still doing it because they want to do it- they want to do it not to get shot.

So that's the crux of the matter, the only way for a person to be a good person is if they want to be a good person.

And why would you want to be a good person? Being a good person gives you worth. Being a bad person makes you only a nuisance- and being an undecided crowd-follower (*cough* 99% of club-goers and DJ's *cough*) who is content with being 'nice' but not actually 'good', who fails to see the difference between cruelty and evil- well then you're not much of a person and more of a mammal.

Of course every human being has the potential of being a person. But unfortuantely most people never stop to take a good hard look at themselves and end up always wanting to "live" without knowing what life is.

Now the question is simple; do you want to be a person or a mammal?

P.S. To all those who view philosophy as irrelevant; know that philosophy is quite possibly the most useful tool in life- real life, not mammalian life- and is a priceless attribute I wish for all those who mean the most to me.