Oops.

Recently I've been feeling myself growing more and more distant from my blog. And I think I know why.

When I started this thing a few months back (early March) it wasn't much more than just an experiment. I've always loved writing, and so I found it quite easy and interesting to blog.

Back then, though, I was going through what I can only describe as an emotional dryspell. I was thinking too much and not feeling enough. I still acted as if I felt perfectly fine, but only because I didn't want to admit anything was wrong. Actually looking back now I realise that maybe I acted out my "emotions" stronger than I should have, trying to over-compensate in my own mind.

And then- inevitably, since I wasn't allowing myself to change- something bad happened. And that something bad left me, to say the least, in a very bad state. I apologetically admit that for one or two weeks after that I was a complete twat. Thankfully, everybody had the good grace to put up - or at least pretend to put up (it's the thought that counts) with me and my twattitude.

However, this "something bad" served as a well-needed wake up call. Gradually I began to realize exactly how much I was holding myself back. I started realizing that I was thinking far too much and letting myself become involved in very deep questions without taking a look at myself and asking myself if I was alright.

I wasn't. People can think but people can feel too, and as I focused so much on thinking the part of me which felt started getting more and more worn out.

Once I realised this I started to wake up to just how human I really am. This blog, however, had always been about thinking, and for some reason I began feeling less and less comfortable with it. Now I realise it's because I still associate this blog with cold thinking and I never let myself express who I am or what I feel when I write.

I don't want to change that in this blog however. Maybe I'll make another blog and let me express myself in that one (I don't mind making the blogs, I'm not after any kind of success- I write for the sake of writing.)

Now that I've come clean about this blog I hope that my feelings of unease will go away. But since this IS a thinking blog after all- maybe I should end with a thought-

Remember who you are.